How to Mend a Broken Heart
August 3, 2009How to Mend a Broken Heart
They say that sometimes the lonliest you feel is when you’re in a relationship..
When your guy starts to withdraw, or starts to make noises like he’s going to leave you, all you want to do is latch on and stop him – but trust me - it’s the worst thing to do.
I know the feeling when you want to do something – and it’s driving you a little crazy that he hasn’t called or isn’t paying you attention – and you’re worried it’s ending but you can’t force those things by calling or sending texts that dont make sense, just to get a response back. Or worse, picking a fight.
Your friends might tell you to be indifferent, and play hard to get – but I believe you can’t fake these things…
So here are some tangible things to do…things that will not only keep your mind off him, but develop you so that you emit that wonderful, sexy energy that has men gagging for more..
- Write down a list of things you want to do that he’s stopped you doing – whether it be actively or things you just put by the wayside because you were too busy lavishing attention on him. Then put a plan in place to do them.You had a life before him – you still have a life if he hasnt’ called or is too busy to plan a date in with you.
- Have a hobby you always wanted to start? Now is the time – dive headfirst into it. Again put a plan in place to do it, book something in if it’s a class, or just plan in dedicated time. The idea is when he next calls to see you – you’re doing other interesting stuff that doesn’t involve him that will make him curious. Men love new things..and the best part is you’ll start to lose yourself in something you love or just gain a new skill.
- Get your hair cut and coloured or styled- and your make up done at one of the make up counters (try to find a stylist who’s own hair you love – it will be what they’re good at). Experiment with different stuff. Clean out your wardrobe and try new combinations of outfits. Get your posture fixed, its the number one thing that’s going to make you feel more confident and happy with yourself.
- Browse an internet dating site. Yeah you dont need to join but we always tend to hang on to things too hard when we think there’s nothing else out there. A good site will open your eyes up to the fact that there is no man drought – in fact there are single men everywhere! You just need to change your perspective – dont let anyone tell you a good man is hard to find.
Bottom line – change the energy you’re focussing on him (believe me, he’s sensing it) and put it on yourself (he’ll sense that also – and it will be alluring).
In his withdrawing – he is asking for space – and if you latch on – you’re being really annoying – we had it when someone does it to us – its no different for him. They say that women marry men for the men they can become, where as men marry women for the woman they were when they met. Go back to who you were before him. Take the attention away and you’ll find he’ll be vying for it back.
Plus you’ll be unpredictable and will quietly and effectively show him that he won’t be rewarded for behaving this way.
Keep your heart safe, by becoming a stronger you.
Cheating
Saw the movie ‘The Kiss‘ last night which is such a great film.
It’s about the perfect relationship going wrong. The main character’s girlfriend finds out she’s pregnant – and he goees through an emotional journey, of cheating on her, but immediately finding his certainty about their relationship again, and having to win her back.
He says he cheats because he gets cold feet – but I think the ultimate reason is he can’t share his feelings of fear with her as he’s scared she’ll go nuts (she’s a very strong woman and likes to think she has her relationship under control).With that comes alienation, and the ability for him to lie about where he’s going on one, and then kiss her on the lips goodbye, and go on a date with another girl.
Through the film, the girlfriend also needs to learn the lesson that the quality of your relationships will depend on the amount of uncertainty you can handle. It becomes very obvious in the film that she thinks she’s gotten her boyfriend ‘all worked out’ and she knows how to make him happy, and miserable. She even goes as far to lecture on relationships to her mother who quite rightly points out ‘Don’t think you know what goes on in a marriage of 30 years, beacuse you dont’. She feels totally certain about their relationship – because she thinks she’s in control – which isn’t healthy or sustainable.
They say that sometimes just continuously accusing a guy of cheating is exactly what will drive him to go cheat. This movie illustrates that. He figures he’s already gotten in trouble for going on a date with someone else, so when thrown out, he goes back to the girl and sleeps with her. Also drawing the other girl further into his problem.
The other girl. This subplot explores the fact that actually the glitter of a new fling dies very quickly – the other, younger girl whilst attractive and carefree clearly doesn’t have the emotional connection he has with his partner. She also suddenly isnt’ as carefree as what was originally appearling. She turns up to his work as he wont answer her calls, and appears so very young – which is a big turn off for him. It breaks her heart when he comes clean about the fact that he’s having a baby, and although he admits it – he doesn’t spend any time consoling her and walks away. I don’t think the director wanted the audience to hate her in particular, but just to see that she was young and naive.
So two lessons really
1. Open communication is the key to avoiding cheating. The minute you withhold information from your partner, you are on your own.
2. The qualify of your love life will depend on how much uncertainty you can handle. Dont ever assume you just know the other person. You will be constantly getting to know them over the years – and this will keep things fresh and new. And it shows so much respect for the other person.
